So I have had many different feelings and thoughts recently but I have written them out and forgot to post them… they will go up with the right dates so they make sense.
But this one is a here an now thought, and i’m actually on my computer so it’s easier to write long posts straight on here.
With my friends dad passing, which is addressed in an entry I will post when I’m done with this. It raises my personal questions on the whole religious thing. And yes I know that this is a sensitive subject in life anymore, but again this is my personal views and truthfully I don’t think they are bad. Now a little tangent but this is needed to explain. I’m not an atheist by any means, but I’m not a good little Christian like I was baptized and confirmed to be, or at least try to be. I have moments where I agree and disagree with the ideals of the church, but it’s not like I would protest the church, I’d attend services if I have to, I don’t know how to explain it really. Basically I believe in something out there, you do have some place to go when you die, and I believe in myself, even though it may seem sometimes I don’t, but that’s a different feeling.
So pulling the thought back to it’s origin. I always get a little uneasy, for lack of a better word, when people ask me to pray for people. I always spin it around and speak in good vibes or positive thoughts verses praying. Personally I feel it would do better, and makes more sense to me, and if you figure you have a more direct connection to the person you are thinking about. Then it makes me think about how other people actually do things. Seeing all the condolences and such on facebook for my friend, there are so many people that say they’ll pray for her and her family. I sit here and wonder, how many people actually follow thought with that? I know at a time like this, I can’t get my friend out of my head, I’m constantly thinking about her, wishing her well, and hoping she finds a little peace in this, well, nightmare. Now this is probably just cause of my view on the whole situation, and everyone’s life stories are different, there is a right and wrong time for someone to die, but when someone goes so early like her dad did, if I were her I’d almost feel a little betrayed. What could be a better situation or place for my dad to be than with me and be there for me? I know that sounds a little selfish but I know her heart is broken and if it were me I’d be absolutely shattered.I feel this isn’t making any sense anymore, but that’s the way these have been getting lately.
So I don’t know where I’m going with this anymore, and I’ve gotten to the point in my writing where I don’t want to reread these anymore.